Hello Reader!

You'd think after 57 years of life, I'd be a pro at it.

Or maybe you're more realistic than I am and don't need to be reminded that we'll never have it all figured out. The more we learn, the more we realize how much we don't know. It's what makes life fascinating and rich. It's also what makes it mystifying and occasionally maddening.

For instance, take my near-constant companion, fatigue. Maybe you’ve met her?

I've been tired for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I try to practice radical acceptance, a concept I first encountered almost twenty years ago in Tara Brach's book of the same name. The basic idea is to meet our experiences with mindfulness and compassion rather than judgment. Sounds good, right?

Please enter my mind to see what happens when I attempt this. I've slowed down and streamlined my thoughts for intelligibility.

Okay, I'm tired. My body feels heavy. My mind wants to run around and play, but my body wants to sit. That's fine. I can sit for a bit and allow myself to relax…

…But now I'm starting to feel depressed. I mean, I want to do things! I have a life to live! Or maybe I just want to feel motivated…

…Either way, this fatigue...it's fine. I can live with it. But is there something I could do so I don't have to keep feeling this way? Because sitting here doesn't seem to be helping…

…And if I want to feel different, have I actually accepted how I feel? Am I making it worse by resisting it? Oh, for God's sake. I can't accept feeling this way forever…

…I'm so tired.​
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My apologies to Dr. Brach. I doubt this is what she had in mind when she wrote her book (which I should reread).

So what actually helps me right now?

Schedules and checklists. Not very glamorous, I know.

People often describe me as disciplined. In many ways, I am. But what looks like discipline from the outside is actually my own personal coping mechanism. I've learned that if I want to have enough energy to do anything productive—or fun—I need to make taking care of myself as easy as possible.

This means having systems in place so that I’m regularly eating, exercising, and sleeping well. I don't have energy to waste negotiating with myself about every little thing. Routines are my allies. They don't eliminate the fatigue, but they help me live the life I want to live despite it.

And yes, there was a time when a bone-dry martini seemed to help, too. First came a lovely burst of energy, followed by a comfortable numbness. A slight hangover the next day provided a perfectly respectable explanation for feeling lousy. Until the hangovers got worse and made me retire that particular coping strategy.

So why am I telling you all this?

Because if fatigue is your companion, too, I want you to know that you're not alone. And that feeling tired doesn't automatically mean you're getting old—I've been this way since childhood. I also want you to know that you don't have to feel energetic or enthusiastic to take good care of yourself. In fact, taking care of yourself may be one of the most useful things you can do when you're feeling wiped out.

I still haven't figured out how to make peace with my fatigue. I certainly haven't figured out how to make it disappear. But I have figured out how to keep living—though I’d still prefer to do it with considerably more energy.
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