Get Stronger After 40

Who Decided Midlife Was Supposed to Be Boring?

I’ve written before about how society expects us to shrink with age, to take up less space, and to accept “getting old.” But wait—there’s more…

We’re also told that we should become more practical, more predictable, and less interested in adventure. We stop being encouraged to try things simply because they sound fun. Instead we’re congratulated for being sensible.

Being sensible and responsible is fine, but what about when they hitch a ride with being overwhelmingly busy? Because that’s what often happens. We work, care for people, manage households, solve problems, keep schedules moving, and shoulder responsibilities (do a Zoom Wonderfulness Workout with us and you’ll hear everyone commiserate). If anything, we're more sensible, responsible, and busy than ever.

But there's a difference between being busy and being fully engaged with life. Because the other thing I regularly hear—and feel in myself—is a sense of malaise, flatness, and fatigue. We tend to blame hormones, but I wonder if that’s just part of the story.

Ask yourself this:

• When was the last time you did something simply because it sparked your curiosity?
• When was the last time you were a beginner?
• When was the last time you allowed yourself to be excited about a possibility without immediately listing all the reasons it probably wouldn't work?

If your answer is “a long time ago” or “not very often,” you may have found a reason why you’re feeling flat, lethargic, or slightly depressed. Our society says this is just midlife doldrums, but there’s a reason for this. If you don’t regularly change things up, seek enjoyment and passion, and push the boundaries of your comfort zone, it's not surprising when your senses begin to dull and your days start blending into one long block of business-as-usual. ​
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Our culture positions youth as the season of exploration; midlife as the season of maintenance; and older age as the season of sliding downhill. It's an odd way of looking at aging when you think about it. By midlife, many of us have more knowledge, more experience, more financial stability, and a stronger sense of who we are than we did at twenty-five. We’ve survived heartbreaks, major disappointments, career detours, family dramas, and enough awkward moments to hone an excellent comedy tour.

If anything, we could be feeling braver, more confident, and less willing to push our needs behind everyone else’s. ​
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Strength training may be one of the clearest examples of this principle. Every time you pick up a heavier weight, attempt a new movement, or practice a skill you can't yet do, you're rejecting the idea that your role is simply to maintain what remains. You're still building, adapting, and becoming more capable than you were before.

That's a very different story than the decline we’re taught to expect. Some of the strongest women I've worked with didn't start resistance training until midlife. They weren't trying to recapture their youth, but to discover new capabilities they had never developed in the first place.

The obstacle is rarely age itself—it's the belief that living a vibrant life has an expiration date. The women who seem most alive in midlife aren't necessarily the wealthiest, the fittest, or the most naturally confident. They're often the women who remain curious. They keep saying yes to learning, experimenting, creating, moving, and growing.

They refuse to become finished. They continue to be works-in-progress.​
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I believe that that's the real challenge of midlife—not preserving youth, but continuing to grow. The years are going to pass regardless of what we do. The question is whether we'll spend them maintaining the borders of our lives—or expanding them. Personally, I'm voting for expansion.

If midlife (or beyond) has been feeling a little too responsible and not nearly alive enough, start with 8 minutes of movement. The Wonderfulness Workout is a tiny way to remind your body: we’re still in this, darling.

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